When a parent passes, it can be an end to their suffering. But, it can also be a beginning to our other parent’s suffering. They might have never been a depressed person before, but they might end up on medication for it. Anxiety, depression, severe sadness, lack of will, the whole gammit of mental and emotional pain can set in. They might come to live in a benumbed state, feeling disconnected from life.
But, just as physical pain alerts us to attend to a problem, painful emotions can also serve a useful purpose. Within every feeling is valuable information. Every emotional change contains a lesson and every lesson is positive, even if the emotion is not. Acceptance of emotions sometimes means appreciating the positive lessons contained in negative emotions.
The suggestion to a parent that they should start socializing again, when ready to do so, might be an answer to their deep sadness. Socializing can help lift their moods and give them a sense of belonging, especially when they are feeling mentally and emotionally lost. It might be joining a club, learning a new hobby, taking a course or just getting out of the home on a more regular basis. Anything to be around others, to not have to feel isolated and alone.
With abit of reluctance they will begin to realize that they need to get themselves out in the world again, to meet people, learn to laugh again, find their smile again. They will once again realize they need to get on with their life, as they realize there is still much living to be done. And upon that realization they expand their social horizons with newfound male and female friends and possibly even others, whom had been recently widowed, and become involved on a deeper level. It might turn out to be someone to go dancing with, dinner, enjoy laughter, great conversations but mostly, enjoy each other’s company. This can bring alot of happiness to a a person who misses that partnership that is no longer there.
Within a family, there can come some struggles of acceptance of a parent seeing someone else. While most family members will greatly support and accept a parent’s new life choices, some might not be so accepting. They might struggle with the idea of a parent being in another relationship. Someday they hopefully will come to understand that it is much more about accepting their parent’s wishes and needs than it is about their own wishes and needs. For, it is unrealistic for someone to be in control of another person’s emotions. Our widowed parent’s happiness should be our number one goal, without judgement and of full acceptance of how they are feeling. Being a support system by their side we need to encourage them to keep living life to the fullest and to live in joy, peace and happiness.
But what we, as their adult children, need to learn, is to allow our widowed parent to make that choice for themselves. It is them who is suffering, sad and feeling alone. We cannot think for them or decide what we feel is best for them, as we are not them. They have not lost one person at one point in time, they have lost a presence in every aspect of their life. The most positive thing we can do is to let them know that we are there to support them in any decision they choose to make. To encourage hope and faith needed to keep them living their life to the fullest. They need to realize that they still have things in life to see and learn from, as at any age, new experiences are always welcomed.
Everyone handles grief differently, and it is only upto the individual when or if they feel ready to move on. But when they believe they are ready to venture onward in life and form new relationships, they should take those steps to see what awaits their arrival. It is not about replacing anyone, it is about adding someone special to their life. We all need companionship and social connections, no matter what age we are. It is a very important wellness balance within us all, to help bring us a sense of well-being. For, to be around others, gives us further reflection to grow within ourselves.
For anyone, to accept our emotions is the need to do what we feel is best for us. By remaining productive during difficult emotional experiences, we are more likely to improve our emotional state than if we did nothing at all. Feeling and being productive is a huge start to uplifting our emotional state. By understanding our emotions and where they come from, we are better able to gain further perspective and compassion for ourself and others. The key is to not be so aware as to where emotions are coming from, but what will we do with them as they change and adapt to our ever-changing world.
As our parent ages, and lose their lifelong partners, we need to keep on inspiring them to carry out their life purpose. There will be a time when they are able to transcend their emotions, not because they have gone away, but because they have been able to make peace with them.
A parent is neither an anchor to hold us back nor a sail to take us there but a guiding light whose love shows us the way. They play the biggest role in our development. Whether it is in our mental, physical, social, financial or career development, parents help us in every step of our life. They are happy when we are happy. They love us for who we are and accept us for who we strive to become. So, as our parents grow older, we need to appreciate, love and show the ultimate respect for them in return. For, they have done this for us all our lives. Everyday they inspire us to be a better person. Everyday, because of them, we try to become one. And by becoming one means being the best support we can be for our parent in need.
Grief is courage, to keep stepping through a life that feels like it’s ended. Grief is a journey, not a race. When a parent loses a spouse, they take a bigger place in our heart, not a smaller one. But with those memories, let them fill their mind, warm their heart and help lead them through. For, them losing someone they love is learning about the strength they didn’t know they had.
For, not all storms come to disrupt one’s life. Some come to clear a path. Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light. And, sometimes it’s time to start something new and for those to trust in the magic of new beginnings.
