Who said seniors are short upstairs! These thoughts prove we are quite clever:
(1) When I have a lengthy nightmare I have learned how to chase it away. I simply get up early and enjoy day dreaming throughout the day.
(2) I find as a senior I can now take more time each morning to slowly and carefully review and contemplate my daily needs. My problem is that after eating breakfast I can’t remember what in the world I was deliberating about.
(3) My wife was expressing her disappointment with me again and said that I no longer surprised her with flowers, chocolates or an evening date. I know she mentioned something else but I couldn’t remember what it was so I thought I would surprise her with a bag of popcorn.
(4) I have discovered that when I turn down the car stereo my sight becomes sharper.
(5) When I make daily boo boos I overcome my frustration by laughing them away. One day I had a brainwave and decided to convert my boo boos into a game and keep a daily score card. Each time I accidentally drop, knock over or spill something I count it as a goal scored against me. My objective is to record a shut out by not allowing any goals to be scored. My brain now seems to enjoy this game. It has assumed the opposition role and tries to make me set a daily goal scoring record.
(6) When I was in the Safeway check-out line, a woman behind me noticed I had a large bag of Dog Chow Pellets and asked if I had a big dog. I had a funny senior impulse. I told her I only had a little chihuahua but I had decided to buy a year’s supply in case the virus infected the dog population. I also told her that I had room in my cupboard beside my large reserve of toilet paper. I don’t think she appreciated the intended humor but the other people in line enjoyed it.
(7) My senior friend told me he had just visited his doctor for a physical check-up and that he was never going to see that doctor again. I asked him what caused him to make this decision. He told me that the doctor said he was obese and should go on a low-carb diet. He said he didn’t agree with the doctor and wanted a second opinion. The doctor then suggested that his wrinkled face could use some help and that he could refer him to a facial plastic surgeon. My friend emphatically replied that it had taken him several years to develop his enjoyable eating habits and his mature face and he didn’t wish to give them up. Then he got up and left.
(8) When I was visiting my doctor I told him I was beginning to experience daily memory lapses. He paused for a while before replying and then asked me when I started to experience this condition. I also paused before to think before I replied and then had to ask him what condition did he mean.
(9) A senior friend told me he recently lent his girlfriend a large amount of money to have cosmetic surgery. She told him she would call him as soon as she recovered. He said that when he didn’t hear from her for a couple of days he decided to call her. To his surprise he found that her phone had been disconnected. He then called her landlord to ask him if he would give her a message. The landlord told him that was no longer possible because she had just moved out and did not leave a new forwarding address. The landlord also told him he would never recognize her because she looked so beautiful.
(10) My senior friend told me his girlfriend asked him to tell her how many girlfriends he had had. He said that he started to randomly recite them. Unfortunately he didn’t stop when he got to her name and now she won’t answer his phone calls.
