Okay, so it’s almost bathing suit season again! How did it come around so fast! The fashion authorities are inquiring “are you beach ready”? News flash, I haven’t been ready for the last 30 years!
The fact is, I enjoy eating! I have eaten my way through sunny days, rainy days, happy days, winter days, any day of the year, regardless of the weather. As a kid I could eat anything and everything and never gain a pound. Now, it seems like I just think about eating a cornchip and my ankles swell up.
So, no I don’t believe that I am ready for a bathing suit this year. Here’s my basic equipment:
- Shoulders – I have 2 of them. One is often higher than the other from making single trips from the car to the house with groceries, too many times. The quicker I can get them in the house, the quicker I get to eat.
- Stomach – Muscles lacking in tightness, but make a good bed for my pudgy cat. She enjoys it. I eat for her.
- Hips – No miracles here. I have them. They seem to expand in size after meals.
- Knees – An instructor once asked “did you grow up on the wrong side of the tracks?” while doing a massage assessment. I think he was referring to my protruding knees.
- Legs – Well bowlegged-ness does kind of run in the family.
- Feet – Try to do my own pedicures to save money. Results not so successful or flip-flop ready.
As I look in the mirror, my bedhead towering above and my cold sore ointment glistening, I hear myself saying “I want to be more than just a pretty face. I want to change the world.” So, when I walked into my hair appointment that is what they told me. “You are an hour late!” I started my world change already by the way they were swearing like sailors in the back room trying to fit me in. I forgot about the time change.
When they did finally get me in, they back-combed, fussed, poofed, brushed and sprayed my hair and I felt beach-ready without actually being it. I go to exit the salon and I could feel all eyes on me, almost like I was a movie-star. I even had my husband greet me with total disbelief at the door, like he couldn’t recognize me. He said “your zipper is open”.
So, tell you what, go ahead to the beach, without me. Enjoy! Drop in at the house on the way home and my cat and I will have a chocolate sundae waiting for you. Remember your sunscreen!
