(1) A reporter named Smarty, was invited to visit a new facility that was designed to help seniors stimulate their mental abilities and lessen their memory lapses. He asked the head doctor what treatments they used. The doctor said I’ll show you one example. He led the reporter to a bathroom where he filled the tub with water and placed a small pail and a large pail beside it. He then asked the reporter to empty the tub. Oh, I see said the reporter. A normal person would use the large pail. Wrong answered the Doctor! A normal person would pull the plug! Would you like to reserve a room Smarty?
(2) All seniors have earned many different bonuses that the younger generations have not been able to achieve. Following are a few examples:
We don’t have to go to school and study -we don’t need to hold a job – we receive monthly government allowances – we are spoiled with regular domestic services and care givers – we can eat what we want and when we want – we don’t have to use an alarm clock as our mature bodies tell us when to get up – when to take an afternoon nap and when it’s bedtime – we can come and go as we please and dress very casually – we don’t have to follow an exercise regime – we can can enjoy peeking in the mirror and altering our wrinkles to make funny faces. Clearly, we have proven we can act like mature movie stars that everyone can continue to admire!
(3) The other day I noticed a creative ad placed by an elderly widow. She had just buried her 4th husband and was looking for a temporary 5th husband. This would enable her to find a 6th husband and qualify for entry in the Guinness book of records.
(4) Why do our medications always warn us that they may cause undesirable side effects e.g. varying body pains – dizziness – weight gain – blurry eyesight – feeling constantly tired. As well, the small print says that if you have any of these symptoms it is strongly recommended that you seek further medical advice. No wonder a large part of our our social life is taken up spending time with strangers in medical waiting rooms. Even worse is being treated by everyone as if we have an addiction for wanting to be unwell and having many reasons to complain.
(5) I went to McDonald’s the other day and stood in line behind an older woman. She ordered a “Satisfied Feeling” meal. The clerk asked if she wanted one of their toys to amuse her while she ate. She said honey, when I am eating I can always amuse myself. I simply slop on my clothes and try to wipe up the mess of crumbs and my spilled drink with your skimpy serviettes. Then I have to bend over to retrieve off the floor my accidentally displaced purse along with it’s sprayed contents. This entails – trying to kick the purse closer to my outstretched arms – bumping my head on the table while I am groping about the floor – and attracting strange stares from other dining customers while I am performing my eating acts. However, when I am able to finish my meal and leave I must admit that I experience a “Satisfied Feeling”.
(6) I have decided to resume my childhood xmas practice of annually writing a note to Santa. I keep asking for an athlete’s body and a generous return on my retirement investments. I keep getting the impression Santa doesn’t want to meet my wishes.
(7) My friend’s name is June and she has 5 children! The first four were named January, February, March, and April and then she was told her 5th would be her last pregnancy. What do you think she named the 5th. Think hard!
(8) A senior’s life is never dull and is enriched with the stares of wonder we attract!
