Despite the name, you don’t always have to be alone to feel lonely. Loneliness can appear whenever we feel alone, unwanted or isolated. It can come up when we are around alot of people but feel like we don’t quite fit in. When we are around a lot of people but don’t feel accepted or acknowledged. When we lose an important person in our life or when we just feel the need to be with others.
The social balance is an important part of our well-being. Feeling a disconnection to others can throw off other life balances. Loneliness can be difficult, but it’s still just a feeling. It can be changed. When you challenge feelings of loneliness or start to make changes in your life, the cycle of loneliness thinking starts to break down. Understanding your situation can help you take action where it matters most.
While a common definition of loneliness is described as a state of solitude, it is actually a state of mind. It causes people to feel empty, alone and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact but their current state of mind makes it difficult to form connection.
It is common to feel lonely during transitions like starting at a new school, moving to a new city or starting or leaving a job. Whenever going through a transition, it can take some time to settle in and find your new place. However, loneliness may only be a temporary stop along the way.
The contributing factors to loneliness include situational variables such as physical isolation, moving to a new location, the death of a significant person or divorce. Lonliness can also be attributed to internal factors such as low self-esteem. People who lack confidence in themselves often believe that they are unworthy of the attention or regard of other people which can then lead to isolation.
Loneliness is and always has been the central and inevitable experience of a human being. We may not enjoy loneliness as it is sad. But, solitude is something else. It is something we look forward to when you want to be alone, when you want to be with yourself. Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.
We live in a society overloaded with data yet we feel starved for wisdom. We are connected 24/7 yet we feel disconnected and anxiety, fear, depression and loneliness is at an all-time high.
Loneliness is not necessarilyy about being alone, it is about feeling alone. At the innermost core of our loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self. Negative emotions like loneliness, envy and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life. They are like big flashing signs that something needs to change. And, although we cannot directly control or change our emotional state by intention alone, we can definitely influence our emotions in several ways. If feeling depressed, sad or lonely, we tend to sit alone, slouched over, perhaps staring at the floor or into space. Our breathing is also shallow as we reflect on all of our life negatives.
So, with that said, to get out of this mind state, is to change what we are currently doing. Here a few suggestions to try:
- re-balance our breathing – by consciously breathing evenly and deeply, the feelings won’t necessarily go away, but you will re-balance your body and psych to enable you to speak or act more effectively.
- attend to your posture – body, mind and emotions influence one another. Since how you are feeling can influence your posture, your posture can also influence how you are feeling. By sitting up straight and tall, even possibly attempting a smile, you will feel a mood lift by doing something good for your body. Anything physically positive is a move in the right direction.
- learn to relax – if feeling more relaxed, it is difficult to feel sad, lonely or depressed. Relaxation short-circuits the harmful effects of emotional tension, allowing the flow of energy to remain clearer to continue to act and move effectively.
- change your environment – the moment you do this, you change how you are feeling, in both subtle and dramatic ways. At any given time, a change of scenery or location is guaranteed to change your mood. Too long in a specific environment and it becomes a part of you. Even going to a different room or a short walk can be of benefit.
- distract yourself – do something constructive. Focus on a positive outlet or hobby to shift your mind to a “feel-good” place.
- Listen to music – it can uplift your mood and take you to another level in your mental state.
- try humour – lighten up your thinking if you are feeling very serious. Laughter can do wonders for positively lifting your mood.
- take appropriate action – do something. Be constructive in helping resolve your situation by helping change the outcome.
- volunteer – we can all fight against loneliness by engaging in random acts of kindness. We have all felt the uplifting experience we receive when helping others.
Knowing that the feeling of loneliness is an emotion, it is best to realize that feelings fade over time. Though you may be feeling down, in time you experience such feelings less intensely and less frequent. Life is a series of moments. None of us feels the same way all of the time. Distraction can be a great friend.
You are not responsible for your feelings – you cannot take responsibility for that which you cannot control. You are however, responsible for what you “do” with your feelings and how you respond to them. As you try to think more positively, you free your energy and attention for new experiences and opportunities. Freeing yourself from negative thoughts can stimulate feelings of happiness.
Loneliness is proof that your innate search for connection is intact. Keep on carrying out your life purpose. Keep on moving ahead positively in your personal life direction by creating a healthy and positive outlook. Making change and taking action is the greatest answer to loneliness. Reflect on your uniqueness and value yourself for everything you are. Time is a healer of all life events and our life choices can also heal us from within.
