Let’s continue to laugh and enjoy the many health benefits it provides!
(1) An elderly couple visited the doctor’s office for a check up. The nurse at the front desk checked their files and told the husband that the doctor would like a stool sample – a urine sample and a sperm sample. The husband turned to ask his wife what she said. The wife said she wants you to go to the change room so they can borrow your diaper.
(2) I was making small talk with an elderly senior visitor while we each waited to see the doctor. She told me that most of her relatives seemed normal when she first met them. However, since then they all behave strangely whenever she meets with them. She is thinking of passing on her doctor’s advice that they may also be experiencing some mental confusion symptoms.
(3) The elderly woman said that when she is out driving her car and comes to a red light, the driver of the car following her always moves to the inside lane and pulls up beside her. He then lowers his window and starts making wild gestures. I can never understand their sign language but I smile and try to be polite. My son advised me that I should simply hold up my fist and raise the middle finger which they will always understand. This always causes them to wave back to me by circling the fingers of their left hand beside their head before they close their window and accelerate to get in front of me.
(4) As an elderly woman was about to enter her bank a handsome young greeter asked her to tell him of her recent contacts for their virus records. She was happy to tell him that she had had contact with the critical care medicine specialist -contact with her therapist – contact with her chiropractor – contact with the blood specialist – contact with the allergist – contact with the anesthesiologist – contact with the cardiologist – and contact with the colon and rectal surgeon . Then with a twinkle in her eye she invited the young man to touch her so she could add him to her list of contacts.
(5) While in the elevator I heard an elderly resident say that her skin always enjoys relaxing when she goes to bed. However when she gets up every morning it always gives her a hard time and proceeds to sag and nag at her all day.
(6) I heard an elderly man explain to the nurse that the reason for his visit was that he put a suppository in his ear and wondered if the doctor could help him find his hearing aid.
(7) As I was about to enter my assigned room at the medical clinic the doctor was leaving the adjoining room and he told his patient that his stomach kept sounding very healthy and that after it stopped shouting he would return to listen to his heart.
(8) I think my house is being haunted! Every time I look in the mirror a crazy looking old man blocks my image and stares back at me in a weird way.
(9) I stopped to re-tie my runners and three elderly woman were seated on the bench behind me. One said that when she dies she wants to be cremated. Another said when she dies she wants to be buried. The third said that she has drank so much wine that when she dies she would like to be bottled and labeled “How Dry I Am”.
(10) I attended a retirement group session and one man told us that being treated like a helpless senior was almost as good as being treated as a baby all over again.
(11) I don’t know why people keep saying their glass is half empty and/or half full when all they have to say is “fill-er-up”.
