We have all had to deal with difficult people in our life, at one point or another. With almost 8 billion people on the planet, we can expect to meet one or two! Whether it is someone whom we have to interact with often – a sibling, a co-worker, a boss, family members – we are frequently preparing ourselves for a stressful situation. Some of us might like to avoid difficult people completely, but in life, that is unrealistic. Unless we live on a deserted island, we all have to deal with people, of all walks of life and in all kinds of situations.
When we feel stressed a chronic reaction to it overloads the brain with powerful hormones that are intended only for short-term duty such as in emergency situations. Their cumulative effect damages and kills brain cells. Thus, the stress we experience when we cannot get along with others is affecting our minds and critical thinking as well. So, it not only affects are blood pressure but as well our mental balance.
Does this process sound familiar? You find a person difficult and just thinking about interacting with them stresses you out. Your mind doesn’t function clearly and confidently, you react to them from a less-than-optimal state, bringing out not the best side of yourself and then the difficult cycle continues. You get the knot in your stomach, a bad taste in your mouth, heartrate speeds up, have a dread of what the person will say or do or you get a huge desire to run away, absolutely anywhere else, to not have to deal with them. The triggers are very noticeable and we know when we are moving into that fight-or flight mode.
Dealing with difficult people and maintaining ongoing negative relationships with them can actually be detrimental to our health. The toll of this stress not only affects us mentally but as well emotional and physically.
So, what do we do with these difficult people? When these triggers arise, try changing the way you interact and respond to them. Try some of the following suggestions to help you with this:
- Recognize the triggers as they come – do not wait until you are deep in fear and dread mode. Rather, observe the triggers as they begin and put them into perspective. Observe and focus how you are feeling about this interaction with them, rather than the interaction itself.
- Approach the person with curiosity – what makes them so difficult for you? Is it how they look, treat you, their opinions? Start to understand what it is that bothers you most about them. Try to take an interested observer approach rather than being emotional and reacting to them. Be like a detective trying to figure out a complex puzzle. You could actually be surprised to see what you most don’t like about them could actually be something we might envy or are similar to being and don’t like about ourselves.
- Ask yourself the “why” – what makes this person behave like they do? Why do they act or speak a certain way? Try to look at them more clinically to better understand what truly lies beneath that difficult exterior.
- Change the game – going into the interaction, you probably use a certain act-and react response. Next time you interact with them, deliberately do something different. Don’t step into the same dance! React as if they were someone you really like and get along with. Act differently around them, to counteract your feelings towards them. Sometimes when we change, they are forced to do so as well.
- Keep conversations neutral – avoid discussing personal issues and any issues that you disagree upon. If a topic arises that engages you in a discussion you would rather avoid, quickly change the subject or leave the room.
- Accept reality – no need to try and change the other person. They are who they are, and we are who we are. We can only change the way we react and respond to them. Their difficult personality is their problem so no need to see it as yours. It is up to them to change.
- Try to see positives – attempt to find something you like in them. Everyone has good to share with the world. Attempt to change your impression to a more positive mind-set in order to change your attitude towards them. Who knows, you might even come to like them! With that said though, do not lose sight of their other traits as they will still be there, even through some newly found positives. We can only change our response to them, not expect their response to change.
- Try not to blame – sometimes it can merely be a case of two personalities fitting poorly. We all are unique individuals and each can have different views and opinions. Try to remain open-minded and non-judgmental of others. We don’t know their full life story of what makes them act accordingly.
- Be civil – you don’t have to be close to everyone in life – merely being polite and cordial can go along way towards creating harmony.
- Last resort – if all else fails dealing with them, talk to your supervisor or other friends or family members about the situation. The solution might need to be full avoidance of any interaction with that person to prevent further negative reactions and unhealthy living patterns. You cannot have negative situations take over your mind and body. The impact can cause many health problems when ongoing in your life.
Learning to deal with difficult people can be challenging. But, it can actually be fun, if you change the way you interact with them. Switch negative to positive and change the way your respond. By creating healthy boundaries at your end, you will greatly improve your interactions with them. When we stop repeating the same patterns of interaction over and over, changing your response could get you out of this rut. Responding in a healthy way can improve your chances of healthier patterns forming. And, our stress levels greatly decrease as soon as we change our response and reactions. Try some of these tips on someone difficult in your life this week and see if these ideas help you. In life, we cannot wait for others to change, so the change has to begin with us. Go ahead, take a deep breath and good luck, for your own positive well-being.
