Bathroom Uses
An elderly woman told me her aging secret that has constantly impressed her family and friends. She explained that she always refers to her bathroom as the Jim and not the John. This has allowed her to tell everyone that the first thing she does every morning is visit the Jim. This always generates complementary responses.
Exercises
My doctor told me that I should join an aerobics class for seniors to help improve my body’s wellness. I enrolled in a class and got my own locker key which has allowed me to store my purse, hang up my street clothes and change into my new leotards. I found I am able to bend, twist, gyrate, jump up and down, perspire and take short rests for almost a full hour. The only problem is that by the time I finally get my leotards on the class is returning to the locker room.
A Witty Mother
A young man was shopping for a couple of items at Walmart and noticed an older woman with a cart full of groceries began staring at him and following him. He tried to ignore her as he approached the check out line but she smoothly rolled her shopping cart into the line ahead of him. She then turned around and apologized for staring at him and explained that he reminded her of her son who died recently. He politely expressed his sympathy. She thanked him and said it would help her to feel better if he would kindly say “Goodbye Mother” as she left the check out counter with her groceries. He was happy to oblige and paused to smile and return her wave as she rolled out the the nearby exit door with her full grocery cart. He then turned to the clerk who had bagged his couple of items and passed him the bill for payment. Much to his surprise he saw that the amount of the bill was $150 and told the clerk she had made a mistake. The clerk looked at him and smiled and said oh no it’s correct sir because your lovely mother told me you would pay for her groceries!
Aging Intimidation
A senior had just returned from her evening church meeting and when she entered her house she was startled to see a robber who was about to escape. She reached into her tote bag and cried out “Stop! ACTS 2:38 (Repent and be baptized in the name of the Lord so that your sins may be forgiven). The burglar froze and raised his arms believing she was armed. The police responded quickly and cuffed the man and asked him why he stood motionless after the elderly woman had reached into her tote bag and pressed the 911 emergency button she carried. The burglar wore a hearing aid and replied that he thought she shouted she had an Axe and Two 38’s.
Smart Investment
Last year an elderly window was persuaded by a fast-talking salesman to replace all the windows with expensive double pane energy efficient ones. Her decision was a “no brainer” when he assured her the windows would pay for themselves in one year and said “you wait and see”! The contractor called her a year later and asked why she had not responded to their several requests for payment. She explained the salesman’s claim and asked the contractor to thank the honest salesman. The contractor was dumbfounded and speechless. When he didn’t respond she hung up and never received another payment request.
