Planned Marriages
An 95 year old women had been asked to appear on a radio talk show. She was asked about her long life and the interviewer learned she had been married 4 times. He than asked her about her husbands and their respective vocations. The woman was pleased to explain that each of her marriages had involved careful planning. In her 20’s she married a banker. In her 40″s she married a ringmaster. In her 60’s she married a preacher. In her 80’s she married a funeral director. The interviewer was astonished and asked her why she had married 4 men with such diversified careers?
She smiled and explained that when she was very young she learned a poem that has served to guide her lifetime marriage decisions. The interviewer was transfixed and couldn’t wait for her to explain her influential poetry.Her face broke into another smile when she recited – “I married one for the money – two for the show – three to get ready – and four to go”.
The interviewer was speechless! He didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, cough, choke or relieve his gurgling tummy. He then noticed the technician in the control booth frantically signaling for him to pick up his phone and that they were being flooded with calls.
It was later reported that the show’s popularity had tripled and all the callers kept requesting the interviewer to have the 95 year old guest on his show again.
Lifetime Sharing
A man and his wife had been married for 60 wonderful years and enjoyed sharing everything. They also had many silly spats but never any serious arguments. The only thing they did not share was the contents of a shoe box in the woman’s closet that she had her husband promise to never open.
Sadly, the woman became very sick and was told that she would never recover. They thought it wise to sort out their affairs and the woman said he could now open her shoe box. He found that the box contained two crocheted dolls and a pile of money totaling $60,000 dollars. She then explained that when they were married her grandmother told her the secret of a happy marriage was to never get mad and express your anger for the crazy things your husband might say or do. She also stressed that when I got angry and felt like breaking up the relationship I should simply bite my tongue and crochet a doll. The little old man shed some tears when he saw only two precious dolls in the box. He then asked her how she was able to save all the money.The wife smiled and explained it was the money she made from selling all the dolls she had crocheted the past 60 years at $10 per doll.
Time Changes
A senior told me that she reset her clock to match the required time zone and that it has changed her daily life cycle. When she starts her day she wakes up tired and when she goes to bed she feels wide awake!
Admiring Acts
I was sitting on a park bench with a senior friend who wheezes very loudly. Two senior ladies paused to rest on a nearby bench. I heard one lady say to the other that my friend kept whistling at her. I enjoyed laughing so much I didn’t want to point out to the woman that her dangling hearing aid was disconnected.
